"You want me to show you tough, I'll show you tough" - 16/10/2006
Began the week by discovering that the campaign we'd all been working so hard on had been screwed up by somebody not doing their job properly (not anyone at our company). This was then compounded by said person launching a retaliatory email back to me. The way it was handled in the office did not please me and I felt a little let down. I understand the professional reasons for why it happened yet it's treatment caused ripples within that hung with me for a good few days.
It narked me off to the point of me not going swimming although when asked about it in the office I said I had gone to save face as I didn't want my new regime to look like it had stuttered even before it started. Watched Spooks, which although is just a shadow of series 1 & 2 still delivers the odd nugget of cleverness. There are though moments of silliness where I do grumble at the TV and the height of Adam's collars is becoming staggering.
On Tuesday one of my directors and I travelled to the clients to see the fruits of the work that the whole company had undertaken. We had to get there early to provide printed material to correct Monday mornings cock up but it was a real eureka moment when we walked into the reception to see material that we had produced on display. It made me immensely proud of the company I work for and the quality of work that we are capable of producing. The campaign director came down to meet us and despite being a very professional woman the energy of what had become 'her baby' being born caused an uncharacteristic embrace. It was really nice because here I was feeling chuffed at what we'd done and she was pleased with how it was all turning out. Yes there were annoying niggles (none caused by us I might add) but overall I could see she was happy, which was great.
We stayed until about lunchtime and then grabbed a spot of lunch at a simple harvester on the way home. I didn't go mad but it was still nice to be out for meal and I had a lunch of steak, veg and fries. It was a simple, inexpensive meal but you know me, a meal out is a treat and hence I loved it. I don't ever want to become tired of the wonder of eating out and I guess while I still find it hard to justify the notion of paying to have a meal out when I could have toast at home, I hope I won't.
Wednesday was still busy with final bits and pieces for the campaign plus other jobs that were coming in. Hit the gym that night and gave it a big shot. Saw myself in the mirror when changing and wasn't that impressed with what I saw. I tried to burn the image into my head to pull inspiration from next time I was beginning to slow on the running machine.
Bro came up and we sat down to watch the final double bill episode of Contender 2. The first match-up was for the bronze medal position but naturally we had to have the 'previously' section. Running through all the contenders that made up this series it was apparent, though we have known as it has gone along, that this series is disappointing compared to the 1st. There haven't been any team challenges and they were always great for establishing characters and highlighting what some individuals were really like, there hasn't been enough material showing the boxers getting some 'down time' in their quarters and interacting with others and the prizes for winning the fights have been weak, which again denied the viewer the chance to see how the boxers reacted to let you see who you did and didn't like. This series lacked the standout characters that last year had. In that one we had my faves Sergio Mora and Alfonso Gomez and my dislikes Peter Manfredo and Jesse Brinkley.
In this series I liked K9 because he was the underdog and maybe Steve Forbes because in his first fight against Freddie he was awesome and I wanted him to beat Grady. There had apparently been about 6-8 months between the end of the series (ie when it had been filmed) and the two fights in the Staples centre that we were about to see. The bronze fight was between K9 and Norberto Bravo. I liked Bravo and felt he got robbed against Grady. In the months away K9 had put in some serious work, more than the other three I would say, and came out looking very sharp and hungry. He always fought a bit bullish, seeming to hide behind his leading shoulder if an attacking flurry started. Because of this he always looked vulnerable if caught with a peach. In the series he had an air of the Frank Bruno about him. Strong and powerful when coming forward yet slow and lumbering at other times.
He'd got on his game though for this fight. He looked faster and more coiled than I've ever seen him. He'd done amazing work on his jab and just kept softening up with 1,2 or 3 jabs before unleashing the right hand bomb that was nearly always on target. Full credit to Bravo for soaking it up but his head was being snapped back time and time again with this devastating right of K9's. There was some crowd booing of K9 as they claimed he was holding and deliberately tangling up Bravo's gloves so he could hit him. It didn't look like this to me and indeed it was K9 that came off worse after a particularly nasty clash of heads. Norberto did stage a mini revival at one point and he was the crowd favourite but I gotta say that K9 just took him apart and was the deserving winner. K9 displayed grace in victory and did not act egotistically and even reminded the commentator how he had been dismissed by him two years previously. I liked the fact that K9 remembered that. I've got a lot of time for people who get changed and then go out of there way to prove that person wrong. With the way K9 looked and had so vastly improved I think he could have won the title had he been in the grand final. I would certainly have liked to see him land a few 'hurt bombs' on the side of Grady's face.
The main fight came on and it ran for ten rounds. It was very poor. Steve Forbes showed little of the flair or passion that he had done in his beginning fights and Grady used his extra power and longer reach to land more punches. Grady deserved to win but it was tedious display, especially after the earlier fight. If the show had been tetering on the edge of whether or not another series would be made then I think this will have consigned it into the bin. It's a shame it wasn't the same format as last year but I guess the makers can now claim that there is no market for a third, even though they were responsible for altering the show, which ultimately made it less involving and in turn affected it's popularity. Still it was good to have something to tune into and I'm still grateful to the makers for the first series, which was a real highlight of last year. I think it could have done with Sly's input but if he was away making Rocky Balboa (the trailer of which looks great) then I will take that sacrifice.
Thursday and we were back at the clients for a 'wash up' meeting to discuss how the campaign had been going and what hiccups we had encountered. It was great to have the chance to talk about all the people that had messed us around. It wasn't a witch hunt but at least a chance for our opinion and observations to be heard and appreciated. At lunch we went out with the campaign director which was really nice. As I said before she is very professional, yet it was nice for us to relax and talk about topics outside of the corporate world. ASOT was back on form this evening and it pushed me to download some more to listen to on my gym sessions.
We were quiet on Friday and I used the opportunity to begin to start some research on Barcelona, which will probably increase in intensity the closer we get to going. Watched two films that night with my bro. District 13 and A Sound of Thunder.
District 13 was a french film and a mix of Esape from New York meets Kiss of the Dragon. We did consider watching it dubbed but after literally just a minute of watching your brain just cannot get over the fact that the voice does not belong to the actor and we switched to subtitled. It made more sense and it was a very enjoyable film. I liked the two main good guys, the fighting and parcour / free running were very impressive and I even found myself warming to the French language. To be honest it's probably the first French language film that I've completely sat through. Ok there were ones when I was younger but I was only watching those late at night, with the volume turned right down and on the chance that there might be a little sex. It was a thoroughly entertaining film and the fight scenes showed a lot of invention.
We followed this with A sound of Thunder. Now I knew this could be poor as it hadn't been released at the pictures but it was directed by Peter Hyams who did Timecop, The Relic etc. I thought if nothing else it might be an average B movie. God, what a pile of shit. When trolls go on the IMDB boards of Titanic, Forrest Gump etc and claim it to be the worst film ever made they obviously haven't seen this. It was awful. Low rate CGI that looked like it had been created for a childrens TV programme. Lazy plot pointers like a technician dropping something in a shower of sparks and then forcing it into some device so it can malfunction later with disastrous consequences later. Annoying, cliched characters which were over acted and a yawn inducing set of ever increasing events that raise about as much tension as filling a bath. My biggest bug bear though was the cars. Timecop wasn't a bad film but the cars they used were appaling. These plastic, windowless, all white things that wobbled when they went over 25mph and displayed no viable reason why anyone in the future would buy or want one. They went one better in this and just had then CGI'd on a blue screen whose perspective looked all screwed up when the camera looked at the actors. Why as well in the future are there never any breaks in traffic, just a continuous stream of traffic with a regulation 6-7 feet between each vehicle?
Hit the gym a little later on Saturday but did my best to really go for it. Knocked out 500 calories on the running machine before hitting the weights and finishing on the cyclic machine for another 200. Got off the machine and was totally knackered having to gracefully collapse onto a crash mat as if I was going to start some crunches. Instead I spent the next five minutes trying to catch my breath back. Went into the steam room afterwards but there were two asians in there who were talking so damn loud, and finishing each others sentences, that I had to move into the sauna. It was nice to be somewhere different but it made little difference as their voices travelled through the wall like it was paper. I even felt compelled to comment on it to an attractive coloured girl, who was also in the sauna.
Left the gym in a surprisingly bad mood and hooked up with my brother at mine. I could tell my friend didn't want to go out, which was fine, and thought this was a good opportunity to go out with my brother. Trouble is that uncharacteristically we just weren't gelling together. I was worried that we would have a poor night, which I definately didn't want as had been building up us going out when he turned 21. I kind of deliberately picked a fight and we both said some things that we didn't want to. I love him to bits and he's my shining hope that I can affect something good in this world. I don't want him to make the mistakes I did and do want him to start living his life earlier than me, yet I don't want to corrupt him with my cynicism. I want to be there to share his experiences yet I don't want to crowd him or not provide the room to find his own path. He loves me and I think looks up to me yet I worry that under close scrutiny he'll see through the sham that I am just very average.
It narked me off to the point of me not going swimming although when asked about it in the office I said I had gone to save face as I didn't want my new regime to look like it had stuttered even before it started. Watched Spooks, which although is just a shadow of series 1 & 2 still delivers the odd nugget of cleverness. There are though moments of silliness where I do grumble at the TV and the height of Adam's collars is becoming staggering.
On Tuesday one of my directors and I travelled to the clients to see the fruits of the work that the whole company had undertaken. We had to get there early to provide printed material to correct Monday mornings cock up but it was a real eureka moment when we walked into the reception to see material that we had produced on display. It made me immensely proud of the company I work for and the quality of work that we are capable of producing. The campaign director came down to meet us and despite being a very professional woman the energy of what had become 'her baby' being born caused an uncharacteristic embrace. It was really nice because here I was feeling chuffed at what we'd done and she was pleased with how it was all turning out. Yes there were annoying niggles (none caused by us I might add) but overall I could see she was happy, which was great.
We stayed until about lunchtime and then grabbed a spot of lunch at a simple harvester on the way home. I didn't go mad but it was still nice to be out for meal and I had a lunch of steak, veg and fries. It was a simple, inexpensive meal but you know me, a meal out is a treat and hence I loved it. I don't ever want to become tired of the wonder of eating out and I guess while I still find it hard to justify the notion of paying to have a meal out when I could have toast at home, I hope I won't.
Wednesday was still busy with final bits and pieces for the campaign plus other jobs that were coming in. Hit the gym that night and gave it a big shot. Saw myself in the mirror when changing and wasn't that impressed with what I saw. I tried to burn the image into my head to pull inspiration from next time I was beginning to slow on the running machine.
Bro came up and we sat down to watch the final double bill episode of Contender 2. The first match-up was for the bronze medal position but naturally we had to have the 'previously' section. Running through all the contenders that made up this series it was apparent, though we have known as it has gone along, that this series is disappointing compared to the 1st. There haven't been any team challenges and they were always great for establishing characters and highlighting what some individuals were really like, there hasn't been enough material showing the boxers getting some 'down time' in their quarters and interacting with others and the prizes for winning the fights have been weak, which again denied the viewer the chance to see how the boxers reacted to let you see who you did and didn't like. This series lacked the standout characters that last year had. In that one we had my faves Sergio Mora and Alfonso Gomez and my dislikes Peter Manfredo and Jesse Brinkley.
In this series I liked K9 because he was the underdog and maybe Steve Forbes because in his first fight against Freddie he was awesome and I wanted him to beat Grady. There had apparently been about 6-8 months between the end of the series (ie when it had been filmed) and the two fights in the Staples centre that we were about to see. The bronze fight was between K9 and Norberto Bravo. I liked Bravo and felt he got robbed against Grady. In the months away K9 had put in some serious work, more than the other three I would say, and came out looking very sharp and hungry. He always fought a bit bullish, seeming to hide behind his leading shoulder if an attacking flurry started. Because of this he always looked vulnerable if caught with a peach. In the series he had an air of the Frank Bruno about him. Strong and powerful when coming forward yet slow and lumbering at other times.
He'd got on his game though for this fight. He looked faster and more coiled than I've ever seen him. He'd done amazing work on his jab and just kept softening up with 1,2 or 3 jabs before unleashing the right hand bomb that was nearly always on target. Full credit to Bravo for soaking it up but his head was being snapped back time and time again with this devastating right of K9's. There was some crowd booing of K9 as they claimed he was holding and deliberately tangling up Bravo's gloves so he could hit him. It didn't look like this to me and indeed it was K9 that came off worse after a particularly nasty clash of heads. Norberto did stage a mini revival at one point and he was the crowd favourite but I gotta say that K9 just took him apart and was the deserving winner. K9 displayed grace in victory and did not act egotistically and even reminded the commentator how he had been dismissed by him two years previously. I liked the fact that K9 remembered that. I've got a lot of time for people who get changed and then go out of there way to prove that person wrong. With the way K9 looked and had so vastly improved I think he could have won the title had he been in the grand final. I would certainly have liked to see him land a few 'hurt bombs' on the side of Grady's face.
The main fight came on and it ran for ten rounds. It was very poor. Steve Forbes showed little of the flair or passion that he had done in his beginning fights and Grady used his extra power and longer reach to land more punches. Grady deserved to win but it was tedious display, especially after the earlier fight. If the show had been tetering on the edge of whether or not another series would be made then I think this will have consigned it into the bin. It's a shame it wasn't the same format as last year but I guess the makers can now claim that there is no market for a third, even though they were responsible for altering the show, which ultimately made it less involving and in turn affected it's popularity. Still it was good to have something to tune into and I'm still grateful to the makers for the first series, which was a real highlight of last year. I think it could have done with Sly's input but if he was away making Rocky Balboa (the trailer of which looks great) then I will take that sacrifice.
Thursday and we were back at the clients for a 'wash up' meeting to discuss how the campaign had been going and what hiccups we had encountered. It was great to have the chance to talk about all the people that had messed us around. It wasn't a witch hunt but at least a chance for our opinion and observations to be heard and appreciated. At lunch we went out with the campaign director which was really nice. As I said before she is very professional, yet it was nice for us to relax and talk about topics outside of the corporate world. ASOT was back on form this evening and it pushed me to download some more to listen to on my gym sessions.
We were quiet on Friday and I used the opportunity to begin to start some research on Barcelona, which will probably increase in intensity the closer we get to going. Watched two films that night with my bro. District 13 and A Sound of Thunder.
District 13 was a french film and a mix of Esape from New York meets Kiss of the Dragon. We did consider watching it dubbed but after literally just a minute of watching your brain just cannot get over the fact that the voice does not belong to the actor and we switched to subtitled. It made more sense and it was a very enjoyable film. I liked the two main good guys, the fighting and parcour / free running were very impressive and I even found myself warming to the French language. To be honest it's probably the first French language film that I've completely sat through. Ok there were ones when I was younger but I was only watching those late at night, with the volume turned right down and on the chance that there might be a little sex. It was a thoroughly entertaining film and the fight scenes showed a lot of invention.
We followed this with A sound of Thunder. Now I knew this could be poor as it hadn't been released at the pictures but it was directed by Peter Hyams who did Timecop, The Relic etc. I thought if nothing else it might be an average B movie. God, what a pile of shit. When trolls go on the IMDB boards of Titanic, Forrest Gump etc and claim it to be the worst film ever made they obviously haven't seen this. It was awful. Low rate CGI that looked like it had been created for a childrens TV programme. Lazy plot pointers like a technician dropping something in a shower of sparks and then forcing it into some device so it can malfunction later with disastrous consequences later. Annoying, cliched characters which were over acted and a yawn inducing set of ever increasing events that raise about as much tension as filling a bath. My biggest bug bear though was the cars. Timecop wasn't a bad film but the cars they used were appaling. These plastic, windowless, all white things that wobbled when they went over 25mph and displayed no viable reason why anyone in the future would buy or want one. They went one better in this and just had then CGI'd on a blue screen whose perspective looked all screwed up when the camera looked at the actors. Why as well in the future are there never any breaks in traffic, just a continuous stream of traffic with a regulation 6-7 feet between each vehicle?
Hit the gym a little later on Saturday but did my best to really go for it. Knocked out 500 calories on the running machine before hitting the weights and finishing on the cyclic machine for another 200. Got off the machine and was totally knackered having to gracefully collapse onto a crash mat as if I was going to start some crunches. Instead I spent the next five minutes trying to catch my breath back. Went into the steam room afterwards but there were two asians in there who were talking so damn loud, and finishing each others sentences, that I had to move into the sauna. It was nice to be somewhere different but it made little difference as their voices travelled through the wall like it was paper. I even felt compelled to comment on it to an attractive coloured girl, who was also in the sauna.
Left the gym in a surprisingly bad mood and hooked up with my brother at mine. I could tell my friend didn't want to go out, which was fine, and thought this was a good opportunity to go out with my brother. Trouble is that uncharacteristically we just weren't gelling together. I was worried that we would have a poor night, which I definately didn't want as had been building up us going out when he turned 21. I kind of deliberately picked a fight and we both said some things that we didn't want to. I love him to bits and he's my shining hope that I can affect something good in this world. I don't want him to make the mistakes I did and do want him to start living his life earlier than me, yet I don't want to corrupt him with my cynicism. I want to be there to share his experiences yet I don't want to crowd him or not provide the room to find his own path. He loves me and I think looks up to me yet I worry that under close scrutiny he'll see through the sham that I am just very average.
I found myself beginning to slip into a mood, man these seem to be happening more frequently, and headed out to return the DVD's that I'd got the night before. Thankfully where we were going to go out was virtually dead. Ok there were people milling around but it certainly wasn't busy and I was grateful that we hadn't tried to make it a big night. Mooched around, feeling like I was in some kind of bubble and took a wander into blockbuster. Decided to rent out Elephant which was the story of the columbine shootings. Something about people feeling lonely, disinfranchised and feeling the need to gun innocents down felt in keeping with my mood. I decided that if I was going to watch a film I needed some sustenance and I had a craving for some sea salt and balsamic vinegar kettle chips. I hit the nearby Asda's (only doing so because I wanted branded products) to discover they had no kettle chips. I contemplated returning home for a simple cup of tea but tell me I can't have something and I want it even more. Thus I drove further out to a Tesco's and walked round there filling my trolley with some un-needed crap. My crisps (the last packet of S & B ones in the shop), a few bottles of coke, Twix's that I developed a sudden craving for and other household products.
Elephant wasn't bad. It was a lot more slow moving and cerebral without a clear narrative. I don't actually know a great deal about the shootings and hence wasn't sure if the material was based on fact or the director's interpretation of it. Some characters lived and some died yet again I wasn't sure if the loose backgrounds painted for them were accurate or not. If it was closely aligned to the facts then I hadn't realised that the two kids had planted explosives, which failed to go off, to funnel the students into a central kill zone or that one of them actually shot the other. It was ok but didn't make a connection, humble or shock me. The entire packet of kettle chips that I demolished during it were very good though.
I'd been keeping an eye on the time as I was aware of a film on film4 that had caught my eye. I remembered reading some time ago about a korean film that contained Saving Private Ryan level scenes of battle but couldn't quite remember the title. It was called Brotherhood and I settled down to watch it. I've got to say that it was very good. The emotional scenes between the brothers and the idyllic life they lived before the Korean war kicked off were a little heavy handed but I find this a common thing with asian cinema. The battle scenes were genuinely amazing and I think outdid Saving Private Ryan. I found the story engrossing and could relate to the brother relationship at the core of the film. It didn't shy away from showing the horrors of war and you could see the genuine quality of the film in it's cinematography, music and overall feel. Another subtitled film but one I enjoyed immensely and would order on DVD during the following week.
Sunday was the penultimate round of the MotoGP. Nicky Hayden was 12 points in front of Rossi and needed to stop losing points to him. It was set up for what looked like an entertaining battle with Colin Edwards, Rossi's Yamaha teammate, doing a sterling job in second place holding people off. Nicky though was in the mood for a scrap but never got a chance to demonstrate this as his own team mate, Dani Pedrosa, seemed to get the arse that Nicky had overtaken him, came into a corner too hot and took them both out. Nicky was understandably furious with rage and the scenes of his fury pounding the gravel and swearing into a clenched fist echoed how pissed off I was. I couldn't believe Dani's stupidity. It's bad enough taking anyone out but your own team mate when he could genuinely win the championship is unforgivable. I was frustrated and thought it would turn into another Rossi whitewash but another Honda rider, Tony Elias, who hasn't done much all year but is probably fearful of losing his job went on the attack. Along with Kenny Roberts he overhauled Colin and then launched an attack on Rossi. He late braked Rossi and Kenny at the beginning of the last lap to take the lead at the end of the start/finish straight with an incredibly audacious display of braking, back tyre sliding out and everything. He held the lead until Rossi went past him halfway through the lap. Elias didn't quit though and literally sat on his back tyre round every corner. They nearly collided coming into the final chicane yet Rossi came out of the chicane and powered for the finish line. Elias was tucked right up behind to get a sliver of drafting and popped out at the last minute to ever so slightly surge ahead. He beat Rossi across the line by 0.002 of a second and I was chuffed. It still makes it incredibly hard for Hayden to win the championship as Rossi is 8 points ahead and can afford to come 4th in the final race but it was sweet to see Rossi beaten. Even the commentators who normally give Hayden short thrift, much to my annoyance, seemed genuinely sympathetic for him. That's racing as they say but it was still bloody annoying.
Went for my afternoon walk and found myself analysing my state of mind again. The demons that have been with me since my birthday don't seem to want to go away, dancing away in the recesses and waiting to pounce when I'm feeling low or bored. I walk past these smart houses with their two cars in the drive, double glazed windows and tied back curtains and I realise what a disappointment I must be. I'm never going to have this comfortable settled life. I'm not sure if it's I don't want it or just realise that I won't ever attain it. Most people seem to have their shit together, they are driven, they look to the long-term but I just can't. I don't have long-term goals because long-term never happens. Some people say life is too short and we don't have enough time on this Earth but I think we have too long. I'm 35 and I've probably got another 35 years of this. Who wants that? Everyone is worried about making enough so they don't die in poverty but if we had voluntary euthanasia by say 55 then some wouldn't have to worry about needlessly continuing this bullshit. Those that had futures, children, loved ones could remain but those without could just end it if they wished with no fuss or fears what the pain of being discovered would cause others. Whenever I hear nice pieces of music I always think I'd like this to be played at my funeral and I rarely think of a piece for my wedding. I think this is because the former is something I can rely on happening, the latter is unlikely.
Everyday I seem to become more and more like a guy I once met when I was younger. I was out with my aunt on my annual christmas trip to London where we would go the Hamleys Toy shop, grab a McDonalds and then go to the pictures. My aunt worked for local government and we bumped into this bloke in the cinema foyer that my aunt knew from her work. He was quite a sad, pathetic looking man, probably mid to late 30's and not very well turned out. He was eating an unbranded burger, waiting to see a film and seemed earnestly pleased to see someone he knew. The image of this guy lived with me for ages. In a city full of McDonalds, Wimpeys, Burger Kings, Wendys etc why would you buy an unknown burger, why was he going to the pictures on his own, why didn't he have any friends and why come to a city which would almost certainly make you feel even lonelier.
Yet I feel I am becoming more like him. I'm content to see a film on my own, I'm beginning to not see the point in making a special effort in my appearance when going out alone and I've been out where I almost want to exacerbate my loneliness. I wouldn't however buy a hamburger from an unknown source when faced with a range of known brands!
I'm trying to lose a little weight and I think this is also having a bearing on my darkened mood. Eating is one of the few pleasures or excitements and reducing this to still remain anonymous to the opposite sex is frustrating. I know it's sensible to keep trim and you should do this for yourself but frankly I couldn't care for myself. I know who I am and what I am. It's not great to look in the mirror and see the flab around my waist but in reality I know this isn't what is stopping me from finding someone special. Even more soul crushing is when I do lose it and look in the mirror again that I think 'you look great but no one can see it and no one really cares'.
I'm not depressed. I'm just using this as a sounding board for the differing stratas of thoughts that my mind can find during the course of a week and between Saturday evening and Sunday evening I certainly 'dipped'.
I watched the Matador again when I got in which was good to see. Such a great performance from Pierce Brosnan. Well I guess that wraps up the week. For all those readers that have got this far and still have not seen the relevance of this week's title then it is connected to a video a work colleague was sent. You can find it here at www.gougoule.com/violence/ and is a collection of ridiculous guys who assume they are hard with their martial arts skills but in reality are complete morons. With a stressful week it literally had me crying with laughter and we've continued to watch and quote it in the office. The first guy's oh so serious statement is priceless as is the black guy with the nung chukas who still attempts to swing them after his little accident. Hope you like it.
posted by payne by name at 12:42 am
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