Talking dogs and Barcelona - 27/11/06

A quiet day in the office on Monday. We've prepped our clients for our absence from the office on Thursday and Friday and thankfully it seems that work won't be chasing us right up to the 11th hour. Due to the break in and the shutters not being fixed myself and the two bosses are having to take the Mac's and PC's home with us to ensure their safety as they can't be left in the office. Because of taking these home I didn't go swimming this night. To be honest as well as not wanting the hassle of removing all the items from the car and then heading back out I didn't want to run the risk of catching any bug or pushing too hard with only a few days to go. When we went to Vegas my boss and friend managed to come down with a cold/flu thing which although didn't ruin the trip still meant he wasn't firing on all cyclinders. I used the time to work on my journal and when I got home to iron and prep my suitcase.

Tuesday was a little busier with a hot lunch and a video on Youtube that was brilliant. If you go onto You tube and type in sweet-talkin-dogs this video comes up with a collection of talking dogs. I confess to being a softie and some of these are amazing and wonderful. The first one saying 'I love momma' is really cute but my two faves would be the Dalmation who says 'Hello' and the dog that follows it who when asked twice whether he wants something responds with 'I want it'. I'm know I'm being a big kid but hell I'm a sensitive soul and aren't always obsessed with big boobs and computer games, well maybe not all the time. Finished packing the suitcase that night all of which was done without the use of a list. A little maverick you might think, especially for a Virgoan who loves writing lists, but this time I couldn't be arsed and simply ran through what I would need every day and night in my mind and whether I had the tools, clothes and toiletries to do that.

Wednesday was tidying up final bits and pieces in the office and ensuring that we were all ready for the off. I knocked up a list for us all of contact names and numbers and a rough itinerary of what we had planned etc for when the trip started. I didn't quite seem to know what to do when I got home. Normally I'd been in a semi-controlled state of frenzy while I got together final bits and pieces but it had all been done and I felt like a bit of a spare part. My mind couldn't reconcile that it was all done and I could fully relax and enjoy the evening. Cooked up some Spag Bol for a good nights eating but it didn't help to make me feel sleepy. Although I needed to be up at 5am I eventually hit the sack at 2am before waking again at 3am.

Thursday. Trip began and here I will direct you to the trip report in the Holiday section of my website if I may. You might need to give me a few days to compile it.

Humbling generosity that welcomes me to a new club - 20/11/06

The office was broken into again over the weekend. Thankfully the scum didn't manage to get away with anything as the safe put up a heroic last stand though it died in the process. They lifted up the shutter late Friday night by about 30cms and crawled underneath. The land anchors that are padlocked and fix the shutter to the ground held fast so this small crawl space was only about a foot and a half wide. I imagine they must have been pissed when they saw the 1 tonne, fireproof safe up against the wall. They went at it with crowbars but it didn't budge and in their frustration they rammed a metal banner stand through one of our desks. The only thing they actually took was a plug mounted door bell, which they must have assumed was a camera or something. Thieving little shits, I hope they burn in hell.

Three of us had to head off to client meeting on Monday and then followed this by taking some of the clients out for a long lunch. It was Chinese and was very nice. It was good to go out and see them in a more social scene. Had chicken for starters followed by some special fried rice for the main course. We got stuck in some major traffic on the way home meaning that we didn't get back into the office until about 7.00 ish. Went swimming again as I wanted to prove that the previous Saturdays efforts had not been a complete fluke. They weren't and I nailed in another 100 lengths in under an hour which pleased me.

One of my bosses had a chorizo sausage delivered to the office for me on Tuesday. She had ordered it about five weeks previously and for it to be delivered then. Unfortunately the company handling it displayed woeful service and took all this time to do so. It was meant as a thank you for my work on that charity campaign that we had worked on. Needless to say it wasn't needed or expected. I'm happy to work for my bosses for the respect I have for them and the money they pay me. I took it home that night and tried to make something special with it. I chopped up some nice bacon, a small onion, some mushrooms and chucked them in a wok along with some slices of chorizo. I then added a Lloyd Grossman sauce and some red wine but it didn't lift it into greatness. The juices from the chorizo made the sauce quite tasty but whenever I popped a piece of chorizo in my mouth it was bland and chewy like the soul of a shoe. I had tried but my 'creation' skills couldn't do anything and I ended up chucking a whole load of it away.

Wednesday was uneventful and when everyone else was gone my two bosses asked when I was going to take some holiday. So far this year I'd only taken two days off and confess that I had been feeling the need for a long lie in soon. I'm not being a martyr or anything but I enjoy where I work and I've not really wanted to spend my money on going away anywhere. I know the benefits of time off but work for me is more than work and I don't like the thought of lazing at home when others are hard at work. I think that's why I always enjoy the Christmas holiday as I feel I can relax in the knowledge that everyone else is off as well. Anyway, I responded that I wasn't sure and they said they had got me some books to read for when I did eventually have the time off. What? I was bemused to say the least and ventured over to the amazon box that contained the books. Nestling within was a vision of heaven. Admission to a special club that I've been considering joining for over a year. An Xbox 360. Oh my giddy, god. I laughed, I clapped my hands together and I looked backwards and forwards at my two bosses. What, why, how come I attempted to say. It wasn't a reward for all the holiday that I hadn't taken off and it wasn't meant to incentivise me to not take any off next year. It was a token from them that they acknowledged how little time I'd had off and a recompense for the days that were still in the kitty.

Man I couldn't believe it. A premium Xbox 360. For those not in the know this presents the complete package, as the name might suggest, of console, 20Gb hard-drive, wireless controller, headset and Xbox live out-of-the-box. Only this week with the Gears of War and Call of Duty 3 reviews coming out and me regularly looking at ign.com yet here I was now a proud owner of an Xbox 360. It's like all my evenings have been filled up for the foreseeable future. Like I don't have to worry about being bored when I've always got this in my room. I felt energized. From fretting over exactly when I might get it and what games to get, here I was with the console in my hand and the decision on which game clearer in my mind. Although I've been keeping tabs on Halo 3 and was going to get an Xbox 360 anyway there is still the feeling of immediacy that I'm now in a position to rock and roll immediately if it was suddenly released. In addition to the console I also got given an Xbox 360 toolkit comprising a 2 litre bottle of coke, packet of twiglets, packet of kettle chips, bacon pringles, microwave popcorn, peanuts and cashew nuts with glass jar container (aka Nut Bucket), protective hand cream to keep ones fingers supple and finally a bucket with accompanying funnel and deodorising wipes to remove the need to pause a game for the inconvenience of visiting the toilet. The final part was naturally done in sarcasm before anyone thinks that I'd continue playing in a swamp of my own piss.

I spent the rest of the evening trying to decide what game to get to with it. GOW got the best reviews but Call of Duty 2 really impressed when the 360 first came out and the third was supposed to be even better. I was also wondering when would be the best time to tell my brother. I knew he would be just as excited and I wanted to experience that face to face rather than just on the phone. I decided to hold fire and maybe do it on the Friday night. I drove home as chuffed as anything, yet still very humbled at my bosses generosity. They really are two amazing people.

Took in cakes the next morning, mainly as a small form of thanks for the two of them but also because I was feeling pretty damn good and wanted to share that feeling. It's not the same but love for a console is better than no love at all!Lunch was an unhealthy meal of ham, chips and beans. Ah, what the hell. Decided against setting up the Xbox as I wanted to wait until Friday night to share it with my brother. He even called me from my place making general chit-chat, unawares or so I thought that he was standing right next to the boxed machine.

Friday was the last one before Barcelona and I was keen to ensure that I knew what I needed to buy at the weekend. Also wrote some copy for a client which was good. Headed home and hooked up with my brother who couldn't stop smiling. "What's up" I said "Nothing" he responded, yet I knew something was. I pushed harder until he splurted out "what's in the box?". Dammit, he must have noticed it when he came up and here I was wanting it to be a complete surprise. I briefly fobbed him off with the same book line that I'd got but I knew I couldn't convince him and let him look inside. He was pretty chuffed and we went and got some fish'n'chips to discuss what we wanted to do and what games we wanted to play. As I knew we would, we then spent the remainder of the evening actually setting the thing up. We moved my old Xbox, re-arranged DVD's and dusted / polished sides down in preparation of welcoming our new addition. I wasn't concerned that I didn't have a game as first and foremost I wanted to have it set up and everything being perfect on that score. I was still undecided on what game to get though bro was firmly in the camp of Gears of War. The mind bending graphics and opportunity for two player co-op had him hooked.

Up on Saturday and off again to the swimming pool. I only did about 80 or so lengths. I was feeling tired and also a little excited about hitting Bluewater. I wanted to get a game and some other accessories for the 360 but was also aware that it was the last weekend before Barcelona and I needed final bits for the short break. Got my haircut and I think asked for it a little too short. Went for a more subtle Mohican with the normal hair shaved to a one and the Mohican a two. I liked it but realised that it was maybe a touch too short. Broke the news to my hairdresser about the 360 and he was thrilled. As you may remember my first experience of it was round his house and he knew how much it meant to me. The haircut flew by as we talked about games and the features of the console. He'd also been to Barcelona so we briefly talked about that. He told me that I should get Gears of War and when we left we embraced. Him because I was part of the gang and me because I love him to bits.

Headed to Bluewater and spent an absolute age there. Looked around at different boots, Happy (by Clinique) products in Boots and different tops and shirts. I also looked in John Lewis for a digital/optical cable. When I bought my home cinema system, the sales guy had said that I should get a digital output lead to go from the DVD to Amp. I always considered it but never did. Add to this I was always unsure whether my amp was that good. It could handle DTS, 5.1 and 6.1 yet never really seemed to show it. I knew that all games on the 360 were in 5.1 so decided I would go next-gen with the sound as I was with the console. Managed to find one in John Lewis along with a plug and play charger and a wired controller for the Xbox. My bro works in John Lewis so I was keen to use his discount if I could. Went and bought the special edition tin box version of Gears of War from Virgin. All their games were completely shrink wrapped and this lack of tamper-ment and scratching at the hands of joe public was the deciding factor for buying it from there.

Mooched around for hours until bro finished work and then took him on a quick tour of the items of clothing that I'd seen to get his approval. He discounted them all. The boots, the beanie, the shirts and the top. It deflated me to be honest. I respect his opinion and defer to it but Jesus. Looked in Schu at some other Timberlands but they didn't have my size. Hit JD's which had some Nubuck boots in by K1X. By this point he could have singled out anything and I would have probably bought it. Went to make a purchase and the chatty sales assistant who kindly told me that I wasn't too old to wear the boots and liked my Senheiser headphones said that if I got a store card I could save 10% on my purchase. With the boots, Nike air top and a beanie the bill was £100 so a tenner off was a good deal I thought. I confirmed that it definitely wasn't a credit card and agreed to it but they then discovered it was too late to do there and then. Decided that I would come back the next day as I wanted another look around.

Followed this by looking in a Jewellers for a new DKNY watch as my last one had packed up. To be honest the winder on the side had fallen off, I think from when a previous jeweller had changed the battery, and it was always going to be rendered useless once the clocks went back an hour. I had had it for over three years so it had served it's time well. Anyway we asked to try two watches on and the sales assistant started chatting to us about how it was her first week etc. Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with her chatting but it seems my slow takeup of responding to her was indicative of how much we have become unused to conversing with shop staff nowadays. It seems you normally enter a shop, at the most communicate your desire to try something on and then make your purchase. With chip 'n' pin you don't even need to hand them any money. It's quite easy, and regular, to make purchases in almost complete silence. Thus to have two assistants in two consecutive shops converse with me kinda took me by surprise. It reminded me that the bubble that I walk round the shops in can be broken and that some of the people who work in shops are still human, whose minds and eyes don't glaze over as soon as the shop doors open.

Headed home and after dinner, pizza I think, we linked up the digital cable. Wow, everything I'd wanted my home cinema to be it now was. I put on Titanic which has a THX opening which always pushes the surround speakers and finishes on a low sub woofer rumble and it sounded great. The surround speakers were chucking it out without having to be cranked up and it sounded really cool. Who would have thought that a £12 lead would make so much difference. I was happy. Popped in Gears of War and checked it out. The supporting literature in the special edition was excellent. There is this small hardback book which gives a little more info on the Gears of War world along with a special features DVD, though I don't want to watch this until I've completed the game. The sound and graphics on the game are outstanding. Shoot a wall and for a millisecond you can see the hot glowing rounds in the wall that quickly fade and the sound was demonstrated by a leaking radiator that hissed from each speaker if you approached from different angles. We attempted to get to grips with the cover methods but with only an hour or so to play think it might need some more time.

Hit Bluewater again on Sunday. I must be a glutton for punishment eh? The idea of a discount was encouraging and I thought I might pick up some other bits. Bought some Happy Eau de Toilette to go with the other items in the range that had been bought for me for my birthday and headed back to JD's for the boots, Nike air top and Nike beanie. They swore again that it wasn't a credit card but once I'd filled in the forms they told me I didn't have to pay now as the discounted purchase had gone on the card. You shouldnt turn down credit but my fear of getting into debt kicked in and I was a little miffed that I couldn't square up the bill there and then. As soon as they send the paperwork and card through I'll pay it off immediately but there is always the fear that it will slip my mind and I'll be presented with an unexpected bill. I also decided to treat myself to Call of Duty 3. I shouldn't have, what with Barcelona coming up, but once I start this spending lark, and have worked out what I can afford, then I just had to have it.

Headed home, put on some washing and popped in Call of Duty 3. Wow, it's pretty impressive. The opening set piece is just madness with incredible sound and truly next gen graphics. The sense of immersion in a battle when there are bullets, grenades, chunks of rubble and shouts in American and German ringing out is amazing. It's a real roller coaster ride. When my bro got in from work I let him play it so I could take the chance to look at some of the surrounding graphics. You sense them when you are playing but when being shot at you rarely stop to examine the flowers. Had some dinner and then went for some co-op Gears of War. This took a little longer to get the hang of as having been used to playing a first person perspective game to then a third person perspective means the eye needs a little time to re-calibrate. The cover system was also proving a little taxing. It was a little frustrating to begin with but after an hour or so began to really gel and being able to work together to flank and outmanoeuvre the enemy was cracking fun. The story and setting is very involving and some of the firefights were a real blast, even more than those in Call of Duty 3. The only downside is that with so much graphical beauty to take in you wish you could see more than the split screen that the co-op works in. Bro is talking about getting a 360 at Christmas so maybe a system link playing will be in order when we can both benefit from having a full screen to play on.

A good week and a nice build up to Barcelona. I'm feeling good because I've got all the bits I need for the trip and good because I've got a 360, meaning my entertainment needs when I'm alone are nicely taken care of. Finally this week I also paid my first years subscription to Mr Site. I'll probably give my website more of a review at the beginning of next year when it will have done more of a complete year but at this time I'd say it's still probably the best gift I have ever received. A device that allows me to be me and attempt to get across to the world who I am is surely the best you could ever ask for. It's garnered me a couple of good internet friends, provides a nice chronicle in the journal for me to look back on next year and keeps immortal (as long as I keep up the yearly subscription!) my thoughts, musings and ramblings.

To those lucky individuals that do read it, thanks.

Looking for boots, getting drunk and getting barred - 13/11/06

And so another week began. Driving into work on the space saver was not ideal so I set about trying to track down another tyre. A guy I knew who used to work at the Rapid Fit section of my local Ford garage had moved to be manager of a local Kwik Fit. I had told him I would always track him down and use him as I liked and trusted him. Unfortunately he was off sick for a couple of days and his Kwik Fit didn't have my tyres in stock. The ford dealership that I'd got my brake light from had two in stock so as we were quiet I left work early to head down there to get them done.

It felt strange leaving work early. I've not had a great deal of time off work this year, two days to be exact, and hence it's rare that the office would be open and I wouldn't be there. It did feel refreshingly different though. Got to the garage in good time and got chatting to the new guy in the rapid fit department. He was a really nice guy, only in his early 20's, but we chatted about cars and bikes etc. He showed me how the rim had worn away the inside of the tyre when it was running low and how the tread on the other tyre was getting a little low. I had thought the tyres were going to be £140 each but as they were around £90 I thought it prudent to get them both done. We chatted about other stuff, what he'd done and college etc and he also helped me change the interior light bulb. All in all I felt good about spending the money. It was nice to chat to someone completely different and outside of my normal social circle. At the end he even apologised for it having taken longer than normal but that he'd enjoyed having a natter.

Managed to head off to swimming earlier than normal, which was bearable and not as busy as I'd feared it might be. Followed this by watching the film Hard Candy, which a colleague had lent me. It's a really interesting film about a possible paedophile that is being tortured by this 14 year old girl. As a film it really makes you think and ask questions about yourself as you find yourself feeling sympathy for the paedo and hoping that he isn't the monster that the girl thinks he is. Being effectively just about the two of them alone in the house the film would live or die on the two actors performances and they are both outstanding. For her age the girl does very well though I didn't warm to her character, but I think this was intentional. Excellent thought provoking film.

During the day we had talked in the office about how on the Saturday in the hotel I'd addressed one of the waitresses as 'love'. It was an interesting discussion. Some thought I was being patronising whereas I think it just add's a little warmth to the greeting. It's not like I put my arm around them and call them love but more when I was trying to get her attention. I said 'excuse me' twice before saying slightly louder 'excuse me love'. I wasn't being demeaning but I think it immediately sets a warmer tone when speaking to someone. Naturally I don't do it to everyone but if I'm speaking to certain guys, for instance the guy at the rapid fit tyre place when I phoned up, I would insert the term mate into conversation. Again it wasn't said to be patronising but rather to indicate a lack of stuffiness.

Had a client meeting on the Tuesday and as we managed to make good time getting there popped into a local TK Maxx. My boss had mentioned that lots of people seemed to be wearing Gilet's (bodywarmers) and that I should look at them. Saw a really nice reversible Shott one. Navy on the outside and bright orange on the inside. You know how I love bright, fluoro colours to everyone else's horror but this had a nice balance between the subtlety of the navy colour with the occasional flash of orange. I'd never really considered them before but I gotta say that it looked pretty cool and a very good solution to my issues of keeping warm but never wanting the cumbersome 'where do I put it' of a coat. After having the expense of buying two new tyres my iron also decided to pack up. It was hardly surprising really, the cord had been becoming more and more frayed and I couldn't be bothered to do anything about it, especially after some of the other buttons had broken. I replaced it with a Tefal ultraglide from Tesco's. It wasn't too expensive and I tried to put to the back of my mind the last Tefal that I had. I remember losing my temper with it and literally smashing it to pieces.

Back at the same clients the next day for a pitch we had to do. We had gone in with a more realistic approach bearing in mind what we knew of this clients internal processes but it wasn't what they wanted to hear. Although unworkable and impractical it was obvious they wanted 'bells & whistles' and after the last campaign that we did for them we knew this wouldn't work. We were confident we hadn't won it by the time we left the meeting but still believed that what we presented was entirely the right solution. Back to the office to see that both Call of Duty 3 and Gears of War had been reviewed. COD gained an 8.8 and GOW a 9.4. I read the reviews hungrily and it just inflamed by wish to buy an Xbox 360 at Christmas for myself. The Euromillions lottery still hasn't been won and has now swollen to a huge jackpot of £100 million. I've limited myself to just two lines a week but needless to say the thought of winning has crossed my mind quite a few times.

I ordered an Abba album from Amazon which arrived today. It's called Abba the Album and was the one they released when Abba the Movie came out. My folks were really into Abba when I was younger and even as I grew up I always look back and like how the band members relationships seemed to be echoing what my folks were going through at the same time, notably splitting up. I used to love the song Eagle on the album but my fave was One man, one woman. It was never released as a single but I've always associated it with my dream of that fairytale, utopian relationship that I've wanted. I was singing my heart out to it in the car on the way home

"One man, one woman. Two friends and two true lovers. Somehow we'll help each other through the hard times. One man, one woman. One life to live together. One chance to take that never comes back again. You and me to the end"

Ok it might not inspire many but there is something in those lyrics, the way they are sung and maybe the memories or deluded notion that that kind of relationship was attainable that really strike a chord with me. Hit the gym that night but with my calf still giving me a little gip I limited CV to a good 30 minutes of walking followed by some weights. Polished off the remains of the spag bol from the weekend while I watched The Business. It starred Danny Dyer and had a similar cast to the Football Factory. An entertaining story though I felt the 80's soundtrack was a little overplayed to ram home the message that this was meant to have been set in that time. I don't normally like crime stuff but the characters really now how to sell proper swearing and it's worth watching for just that if nothing else.

Work was quiet on Thursday and I tried looking for some Timberland boots online. I need a pair of decent boots for Barcelona as I can't really do all the neccesary walking in white trainers. Found some nice ones and filled my head with the notion of buying some. Hit my local shopping centre to see what boots they had in, I confess they looked disappointing in the flesh and headed to the swimming pool for another good swim. The pool had been sectioned off at the deeper third for women doing some exercise routine so me and just one other guy had the remaining two thirds to ourselves. Decided I wanted to try and bash in as many widths as I could. Had hit 70 when the ladies aerobics session finished and they put in some full length swimming lanes. Managed to manoeuvre myself into the lanes without stopping or putting my feet down and nailed out 30 constant lengths. By the time I finished I was the only one left in the pool. I was pretty knackered but felt pretty pleased with myself. Got home to see that Risky Business was on with Tom Cruise.

It had been a long time since I'd seen this and it was great to see it again. Tom is brilliant in this film. It's the more grown up, guy left at home film that you always wanted Ferris Bueller to be. I can so relate when he's dancing round the house in his shirt and pants to some rock music. I love the film's message that sometimes you've just got to say 'what the fuck' and the way he says it when the bloke from Princeton comes to interview him and he thinks he's blown it is wicked. Cracking film that really evoked the hopeful, optimistic thoughts that I had when I first saw it all those years ago.

As the exertions of prepping for that pitch had worn off lunch on Friday was an unhealthy KFC. This descent into stodge heaven was compounded with a pizza for dinner with my bro. I was only meant to have a little of his large pizza but they were out of large pizza dough and thus we had to have two medium ones. My pizza choice, as I may have bored you with before is now set at meat feast with mushroom and extra pepperoni. It makes for a realy tasty, meaty, juicy pizza and this evenings was no exception. All washed down with a bottle of coke and a Friday night film.

My bro had bought Groundhog Day on DVD which we'd both seen before and enjoyed again. A really enjoyable film and truly Bill Murray's best ever performance. His character just goes through the whole range of emotions and actions from disbelief at his situation to exploiting it for all he can get to depression and numerous suicide attempts to resignation at his plight and a desire to improve himself. Models I'm sure everything I would do in that situation. I love the moments he has with Andie McDowall and I've always wanted to recreate the times he has dancing under the bandstand and being in the cold, snowy evenings with someone special. It was this film that led to my appreciation of Ray Charles and the song 'You don't know me' seemed so poignant for how I used to feel about women, ie admiring them from afar but never taking any postitive action. So many standout scenes in the film from his interactions with Ned Ryerson, the way he counts down to stealing the money, his stopping of the music with his fist when he's playing the piano and then starts the classical piece which evolves into something else and his weather prediction "I'll give you a winter prediction. It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life" - brilliant.

Passed on the gym again on Saturday and concentrated on upping my game in the swimming pool. Managed to get a quiet time and thus could concentrate on my lengths without too many annoyances or having to swim round people. I did 100 lengths non stop and was really chuffed with myself. When I staggered out of the pool, and I was knackered, I asked how long the lengths were. 25 metres so I must have done 2.5k. I was pleased. Tried to find the Timberlands that I'd been sourcing on the internet in the shops but surprise, surprise no one had any size 10's. Just my bro and I were heading out that night so we went for an early start. Grabbed some fish'n'chips, banged home 1 1/2 shots of Absinthe that proved hard to take down, had a bath and headed up to local town to catch Borat at the cinema. Very, very funny. It wasn't a laugh all the way through but there were plenty of funny things with particular highlights being "she had a vagina like a wizards sleeve" - what a wicked comparison, and the naked wrestling scene which was as horrendous as it was hilarious.

Felt a little drained afterwards but after a few drinks and shots felt myself coming back.

4 orange reefs, 1 1/2 shots of Absinthe, 2 shots of Goldschlager, 2 shots of Aftershock, 1 shot of Baileys, 2 slippery nipples (baileys & sambuca), 1 Red Bull and 4 Archers (peach snapps) and lemonades - was doing my bit for the binge drinking generation!

We drank in a few pubs and then headed to Breeze. Downstairs was ok. There weren't many honeys but it was just good to be in there with my bro. The bar has been such a big part of my social life for the last few years that it was good at last to get him in there. The DJ was on good form and we bought him a few drinks. His girlfriend was in their along with a friend. I've seen his girlfriend before and although don't know her still recognize her face and vice versa. I accidentally trod on the foot of her friend during the night. It wasn't a complete 'stamp' down, I certainly didn't feel myself doing it (as you would) and the dancefloor was very crowded. Naturally I apologised profusely as I always would despite being tipsy but she seemed to get the arse, assumed that I was trying to hit on her and kept throwing me barbed looks all night. I wasn't interested in her and her arrogant assumption that I fancied her hugely pissed me off. Prima donna bitch. Go fuck yourself love. I'm here for a good time and a dance with my brother. If there was a nice girl there then maybe but never with some pretensious cow who believes everyone is trying to hit on her. I tried to ignore her and concentrate on enjoying my night.

Bro and I continued to dance and drink. I chatted to one girl who seemed nice but didn't engage me enough to make me want to make a real effort in chatting her up. All I really wanted to do was continue getting merry and dancing to the cheesy 70's & 80's tunes. I do get animated when dancing when I'm drunk yet I'm still aware of my surroundings. Although I might be singing with all my heart I'm still focused enough to realise when someone is trying to get past me. This girls constant icy stares and huffs and sighs were really beginning to get under my skin now. It's quite a small club and if my presence was bothering her (believe me when I say that I wasn't) she could have moved away. It got to about 12.50 and we decided to head off to pick up our cab that we'd booked. As I walked up the stairs leading from the dancefloor my hand slid along the handrail. As it did I decided to extend my finger to flip the girl the bird. It was juvenile I know but with probably 70 people on the dance floor it was pretty tokenist. Besides bearing in mind my hand was travelling up about two inches parallel to the handrail it was hardly visibly that is was aimed at this arrogant bint.

We left the club and headed over to the car park to wait for our cab. Whilst waiting I noticed this big burly black bouncer that inhabits the club walking over towards me. He stopped about an inch from my nose and made this grand gesture of telling me that were he not working he would rip my finger off for showing it to his girlfriend and that I was barred from his club. I could smell his rather unpleasant breath on my face and was a little taken aback. What, it took me completely by surprise and with that he turned and walked away. My brother started walking after him to have it out with him and I started to chase after my bro to stop him doing anything rash. While this was going on my mind was racing about what had happened and I started to get angry. I didn't mind getting barred from the club, not that it was his club to do so, but being at the receiving end of some little slag running to her bouncer boyfriend saying I'd been nasty pissed me right off. I accidentally stepped on your toe bitch, please don't assume it means I fancy you. You weren't that pretty and if your choice of boyfriend is a lughead bouncer then you also aren't that bright. I felt like I should go and say something to this guy but really what is the point? OK I gave the finger but she would only have seen it if she'd been looking for it and then 'ran' to her boyfriend to tell him and ensure he remonstrate with me. The cab pulled up as I contemplated this and thankfully I got in before I did anything more stupid.

Does being barred from a club make me a bad boy? Shouldn't I be swarming with women now?

Headed off to the Greenwich Penisula on Sunday to see if I could at last find these Timberlands in my size. I could and tried them on but I wasn't convinced. I didn't have that buying certainty of 'I must have them' and decided against proceeding. It was the right choice. I don't want to spend over £70 on something I'm not convinced on. I know when I'll get the right feeling. Although the shops are ok the area is just full of tracksuit wearing chav's and is pretty grim. They've tried to make it all nice and the shops are brand new but the surrounding, low rent, dead end scum make you feel that being in their presence leaves you dirty and needing a bath. Headed over to the McDonalds by the cinema and the feeling continued. While queing I had a rare moment of charity. The queuing structure seemed all over the place and as I started giving my order by bro told me that this young mother to my right was next. I was horrified that I had pushed in as I know my English queing etiquette. I apologised and offered her to go in front of me. The guy behind the counter said he couldn't cancel my order so I asked what she was ordering and added it to my bill. She started to try to give me money, which I refused to take saying it would make up for my perceived rudeness. I think she was embarrased and so was I but I didn't know any other way around it. It didn't help that the assistant began to screw up the order with me having to forcibly tell him to put the ladies cheeseburger and chips in one bag and give to me, which I handed to her, and put the remainder in a bag for me. See, I'm not completely cold hearted.

We headed home afterwards and watched some episodes of the Iraqi war series called 'Over there' which is by Steven Bochco, the guy behind LA Law. It was ok and some of the action scenes were good but the need to put the female soldiers/characters onto the front line where they wouldn't normally be felt forced and contrived. I'm not being sexist, though I don't think a woman's place is on the front line, but there were too many situations where a patrol's vehicle would break down, the female mechanics would come out to repair it and then the unit would be ambushed to ensure that the women were in the thick of it. It also didn't help that it kept flitting back to a character from the pilot episode that had been hospitalized. It hampered the pace of the show and added a level of disjointed-ness to the desert action. Followed this with the Majestic which is by Frank Darabont and stars Jim Carrey. My bro had got it as he believes it's one of Jim's finest roles, which I'd second, and is a nice entertaining film. OK it's not in the league of Darabont's other works of Shawshank and the Green Mile but it's still very enjoyable.

Thanks for stopping by and sorry for the delay in posting. With getting ready for Barcelona and receiving an unexpected gift time has been tight. Talk soon.

"Your jumper is trapped in the door" - 06/11/2006

Christ there were so many goddam slow coaches in the fast lane of my swimming session that after nearly clattering into the back of one bloke I just stood up and walked behind him for over half a length. Went into the shallower, training pool and as that has no lane dividers managed to blast out 20 continuous lengths by swimming round people. It probably felt like I was terrorising the pool but I was so riled up by this point that if anyone had even given me a funny look I would have gone into one. I probably sound a miserable bastard and I'm not saying that the world should revolve around me but you do expect that to swim in the fast lane you would be capable of a fast-ish pace. It's the equivalent of some pootling along arsewipe doing 45mph in the fast lane of the motorway. At least the anger keeps me charged for longer, which in turn makes me push harder which is never a bad thing.

Managed to do a little more research on Barcelona, which is always good. Where to go in the evening, club wise, doesn't seem as clear cut and there isn't as much internet material for Barcelona as there was for Vegas. It makes me realise what a godsend the Las Vegas talk forum was for us. Anway I managed to ascertain that they have these two bus routes that do a north and a south hop on - hop off route which basically hits all the main sights. The northern one stops at the Nou camp, which one particular colleague wants to go to. Another wants to go to Montserrat which is about an hours journey outside of Barcelona. I also want to take a look at some of the shops.

At last I managed to change the rear brake light on my car. I must confess that it's been out for a good few weeks now and what with busy-ness at work didn't want to just head out and start working on it. Managed to figure it out and replace it with ease. It felt good to have it done, now I've just got to do the interior light and give it a damn, good clean. Went to the gym on Weds night but I managed to tweak a muscle in my calf. I thought I'd properly stretched before the run and that I would be able to run it out but 5 mins into my run and I felt something strange. I stopped anymore leg related exercises and just concentrated on the weights machines. Not building up a proper sweat or leaving the gym as knackered as I normally do meant I felt like a bit of a fraud.

Stayed late on Thursday for ASOT and also for my bro who was working late next door. ASOT was good and I attempted to add some stuff to my site, hugely important pieces like my favourite eateries, my review of Halo 2 etc, but seemed to just mooch around the web, which is fatal. When bro arrived we headed over to the Tesco at the Royal Docks as the website said they had a large clothing section here. This Tesco's was huge, the biggest goddam supermarket I've ever seen. Glass fronted and split over two floors with an escalator serving the two levels. Upstairs was the clothing section along with entertainment and electronics etc and downstairs the normal stuff but twice the quantity. It was pretty damn impressive.

We had a gander round the clothing section and I showed bro my shoes. He reacted in horror saying they would either be worn by old men or geeky nerds at school. I did like them and their comfort but deferred to his greater awareness of fashion. Did pick up a jumper which was nice and met with his thumbs up. It was getting late and knowing that bro had worked all day and not had lunch offered to get him a McDonalds. The one on the retail estate we were at was closed with the lights off so we went to one further up the road that was lit up like a christmas tree. The lights might have been on but there was certainly no one home. Ok, if you begin to put obstacles in my way and tell me I can't have something, I'm going to want it even more. Ummed and ahhed about whether to hit the Mc's at Lakeside, Thurrock or return to the one at Canary Wharf. Canary Wharf was closer so we blatted back there. Pulled into the drive thru section as the lights were on still but again no one was home. I then saw a banner to the left of me saying 'Sun-Thurs 7-12, Fri-Sat 24 hr'. My car clock said 00.12 so we'd missed hot food by 12 minutes!

Now I was getting a little pissed and I asked bro what he wanted to do. He was tired but he'd also got the 'taste'. To quote James Coburn from The Magnificent Seven (with a minor change) 'Nobody shows me an empty service box and tells me to run away, nobody'. So we hit the road again and blasted down to Lakeside. Surely this one would be 24 hr we hoped. It always used to be and it is so close to such a major junction with the Dartford crossing etc. We pulled down and into the road it was on and saw the golden arches shining brightly. Pulled round into the car park and although the lights were all on it was definitely closed. Now I was fully enraged. I slammed down on the horn for a good 30 seconds and cursed like a trooper.

Sweet Jesus, a chain as big as McDonalds and after visiting four establishments nothing. All the flak that they take from healthy eaters and food fascists and here are two willing customers wanting to enjoy their product who can't get it for love nor money. What's worse is that even if they were open they would only have a limited menu. I went to one in the Old Kent Road recently and under the evening menu they don't serve cheeseburgers! What is the point in a McDonalds if you can't get a cheeseburger. I realise all of this is totally irrational and immature for a middle aged man but christ I was pissed. Drove home angry and made do with some toast.

Friday and I had to put my mind to working on a brief for a recycling campaign for one of our clients. I don't find writing difficult but trying to get the right tone of voice proved frustrating. My boss is awesome at writing this business speak stuff especially after having nailed this long written pitch for another project in like a day and a half. It's just a case of switching your writing style into that kind of language, though there is a tendency to over complicate as you trip yourself up thinking I can't possibly write it as simple as it sounds. Lunch was a nice pastie with all the usual trimmings and you know how much I enjoy a Friday hot lunch.

A little lay in on Saturday but not too much. MI 3 arrived on DVD which I was pleased about. We were going out that night to see some fireworks on Blackheath and I agreed with my friend to pick him up earlier than normal and head to Bluewater to shop for some bits before collecting my bro and heading back to the heath for the fireworks. Heading to his was a pain in the arse with the heavier traffic and the earlier start meant I couldn't fit in the gym. Eventually got to his around 2.30 after having been in the car for over an hour. It then took another hour to get to Bluewater what with the traffic leaving London.

Wasn't sure how my mate wanted to play it ie splitting up or not so I thought I'd hang with him but after a few minutes detected that he'd probably be more comfortable shopping on his own. I headed off and wandered around the shops. Needless to say my normal shopping centre melancholy crept in. It seems that the people who head round the shops are divided into two categories:

The also-rans, the nothings, the uglies, the uncools, the geeks, the chavs and

The honeys, the cools, the switched on, the affluent, the beautiful.

No guesses where I think I inhabit. Walking around I realise how uncomfortable and awkward I am in the package/body/face that I reside. Yes I could lose weight but I would still feel a nerd, a loner, an outsider. My face doesn't fit. Bluewater and it's occupants bustle past me and I seem to move half as slow as everyone else. We had over three hours to kill so there was no rush for me and I meandered round.

I think I've been denied or starved of romance for so long and have given it such a fairytale corona that I know I'll never find it. I've been single and independant for so long that I don't even know how I'd deal with losing my freedom. I'm never going to find someone who loves me so completely that they will let me do what I want to do. Here I am thinking of getting an x360 yet if I had a partner I know I'd have to earn my time to play it. I'd only get to play it for a few hours before I received accusations of 'are you ever going to spend time with me / do some work around here / take me out'. I guess in reality I enjoy my freedom too much. Seeing arguing couples or the trivialities, huffs and moods so evident when moving round Bluewater means I should be grateful for not having to contend with that bullshit. Not having to answer to anyone, not having to defend or protect my obsessive enjoyment of films and computer games.

Why don't I feel this release then? Is it just because I don't have it that I want it. Do I just want to have my ego massaged from time to time by a girl to let me know that I'm still attractive to the opposite sex. Do I crave the completeness and fulfillment of a loving union but even when knowing that it doesn't exist still want to believe that it does. Is true love the adult equivalent of Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy? Does my dis-enfranchisement from the rest of the population come from lacking the validation of one's self that someone loving you for you can bring? Have I become so far gone, been a bachelor for so long that there is no escape or last minute reprieve. I've never holidayed with a girlfriend and I've never been introduced to someone as 'this is my boyfriend'.
In many ways it's easy for me to dislike women, the trouble they cause and emotional wrangles that they put you through. Yet in reality they are the ultimate drug, the thing that can make you feel the most complete.

I did pick up some bits while there. I needed underwear and bits for Barcelona from M&S and I also got an XXL cardigan from Next. I'm not huge or even big but I do like a comfortable fit from over garments like jumpers etc. It dismays my female boss but I find something comfortably re-assuring in the extra warmth and material that getting another size up gives me. Met back up with mate and bro outside his work and returned to the car.

We pulled off and then heard a recurring flapping sound. Stopped and checked the car to discover a semi-flat tyre. Brilliant. We had to get to Blackheath for the fireworks and now had to contend with this shit. Limped to a nearby station and filled it back up with air. It hadn't gone completely flat so hoped that a blast of air might suffice. It didn't and five minutes later the sound returned. Pulled into another station and decided to change the tyre. I had to change it once on the Focus and I hoped this would be the only time I had to change it on the Fiesta. With three of us working it didn't take a great deal of time, though my mate did most of the work. Now we were running late, limited on our top speed due to the restrictions of the spacesaver spare tyre and I would be facing a new tyre bill of £130 with the inconvenience and time out of the office in getting it done.

Made our way to Blackheath but with less than half an hour to go to the fireworks and being less than a mile from the heath we hit snail pace traffic. At one point we were moving so slowly that I noticed the passenger of a car running alongside us had trapped her jumper in the car door. I waited for her to look over and told her that "your jumper's stuck in the door". Apparently the tone of my voice expressed my thoroughly pissed off-ness with the days fun and games and I might have well as just called her a stupid bitch. She thanked me but bro and mate couldn't stop laughing at the contemptuous way that I said it to her. I hadn't meant to come across that way. I didn't want to seem over eager in case the car remained next to ours and embarrassment ensued but I admit that I might have pushed it too far down the negative bar.

We remained stuck in traffic while the half hour firework display began at 8. We managed to see a sliver of the fireworks over the top of the trees and could hear the music, which did sound good (OHMSS, Phantom Menace). The exodus began when the fireworks finished and we thought that although we missed them we could still make the dinner that had been pre-booked at a nearby hotel. This wasn't to be the case either though as it took us another hour and 15 minutes to be allowed to get onto the heath as the police had closed all the roads. Eventually we parked up and raced in to meet the other three that had been there an age. I was relatively short tempered by this point and after being told to head downstairs by the front desk began looking for the restaurant. At one point I walked clear through the middle of someone's private 40th birthday function. I eventually found it and thankfully the girls had ordered the food and it was waiting for us in the kitchen.

Bro and I dispensed with the pleasantries and got stuck right in. I hadn't eaten all day and was famished so managed to clear the starters (breaded mushrooms, spring rolls etc) and main course (three sausages, mash, baked beans and gravy) before grabbing two helpings of spotted dick and custard. We retired to the bar afterwards and though I was driving and hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, felt pissed. I think the sudden intake of food, combined with the stress of sitting in the car for so long and walking round Bluey in my boots because I'd prepared for the cold of the heath must have taken an effect on me. My cheeks were rosey and I felt tired yet restless. Remained there for a few more hours by which time I wanted nothing more than my bed. Headed home, driving past Cave Austin and we joked about how mystery girl had probably been there that night. Her mate had probably scored and she was sitting all alone wishing that some guy in a novelty t-shirt and who had his own website, would come and talk to her. She'd probably be depressed at how she always made an effort in the morning to look good and went to the station in different routes and times to be noticed yet no one ever said Hi. Although we joked about it, knowing my luck it was probably true.

Sunday and I was up for 10ish, early for me, to phone round and see if I could sort out this tyre. Needless to say the places that were open didn't have my tyre in stock but could order it to arrive on Tuesday. Hit the local shops for a mooch but didn't really see anything. Thought I'd whip up a spag bol for bro so we could eat it when he got in from work and before we watched Mission Impossible III. Both were excellent and it was good to see Tom Cruise in action again. Like Warrior King the week before, it was nice that my first impression from seeing it in the cinema still remained. The gadgets are clever and functionary rather than silly and serving the gaps in the creators creativity and it contains a truly beautiful car.

Barcelona is getting closer, talk soon.